Sleep training was a process and a journey for my husband and I. There was a lot of ups and downs. Looking back, it was pretty rough, but now my husband and I are basking in the fruits of our labors.
We named our little girl Joan, after Joan of Arc. We already notice traces of strength, independence and defiance from our little two year old. But she can also be pleasant, social and sweet.
Some have asked these questions,
I usually play it safe and stay quiet instead of answering how I sleep-trained my baby. But today I am going to attempt to share what I've learned on this journey of sleep training.*
When people find out that my girl takes naps and sleeps through the night they usually praise her, but let me tell you--this was all my husband and I! This was our hard earned work! Our baby girl would never have been so easy considering her intense temperament had it not been for outside intervention.
When I was pregnant everyone warned my husband and I that we would have to say "Good-Bye" to sleep after our baby was born. We were determined to prove them wrong. So I read a lot on babycenter.com and I read On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep (2012) by Robert Buchnam, M.D. and Gary Ezzo...twice. If you do order or read this book, make sure you get the 2012 version because it is the most updated version. After my baby was born, I read The Baby Whisperer. In addition to this, I read my favorite sleep training book, The Sleep Sense Program (Third Edition) by Dana Obleman. Coupled with experiences from my baby, these are the resources I used to help her sleep on her own. Most of the time, our little girl goes to bed between 6:30-7pm and gets up around 7:30am. More often than not, she has slept through the night and napped since she was two and a half months old. This doesn't include the sick days and times she was growing or teething. This has been wonderful for our entire family. We all need sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Below are some lessons I've learned about sleep training.
Lesson #1 - The Whole Picture
Something which surprised me about the Baby Wise book was how it was more about making sure the baby had enough food than sleep (which makes sense because babies will sleep better with a full tummy). Whether you are breastfeeding, bottle feeding or both, just reach out to others for help if you aren't sure that your baby is getting enough food. I had sisters to help me and I also attended the Le Leche League breastfeeding support group in my town. Google them and you will probably find a support group near you. One time I even called them on the phone because I was so worried about my baby's food intake and if I was breastfeeding correctly. They might even do a home visit. So, when you try to sleep train your baby, look at the whole picture: is he/she getting enough to eat? Is he/she gassy? Does the diaper need a change? Etc.
Lesson #2 - Sleeping Props
Baby Wise says to stay away from sleeping props (things your baby depends on in order to fall asleep). The most common sleeping props are rocking your baby to sleep, nursing your baby to sleep and driving in the car to get your baby to sleep. I'm not saying to not rock, nurse or drive your baby places, just don't rely on that to get him/her to sleep. Don't get me wrong, I have used all of these at some point to get my baby to sleep. We bounced and bounced her on the yoga ball for months and then I'd lay her down and she would wake up. I remember thinking, is there more to life than this? I don't want to spend the rest of my life on this yoga ball. For a period of time I would nurse my baby to sleep if she woke up in the middle of the night.
With sleep training you are constantly tweaking things as you go because your baby is constantly changing (teething, growth spurts, etc.).
But, I do use sleeping props and I'm okay with it because as long as the baby can still be in the crib by herself and fall asleep on her own with them (not depend on me to fall back asleep), then I don't worry about it. My daughter has a blanket, a binky and later on we brought a small fan into her room (for white noise). Joan didn't always want a binky but I kept at it and eventually found a size she liked. (In The Sleep Sense Program it discourages binky's. Mainly because it it falls out of your infants mouth then they will cry 1-6 times during the night and wait for you to put it back in). This happened a couple of times to us but not enough to create a problem. So binky's when putting your little one to sleep, might not be the best idea, but it's up to you. So far, it's been fine for us, but I haven't decided if I want to use one to help my next baby sleep or not.
Lesson #3 - Tuning-in to Your Baby's Cries
My baby cried a lot. But she wasn't always crying because she was hungry. She was gassy, or stressed, or had a poopy diaper, or a diaper rash, or she was uncomfortable, or wired or tired, or in pain. I began to notice that her cries sounded different depending on what she needed. If I had no idea why she was crying (which happened a lot), then I tried to cover all bases to see what she needed. Remember, "Emotional tears actually eliminate chemically activated stress hormones from the body" (Buchnam & Ezzo, 2012, p. 138). This means that tears are normal and even healthy not only for babies, but for everyone.
Lesson #4 - Schedule
Holy cow--Baby Wise is a bit rigid when it comes to a feeding and sleeping schedule. But my take away from that section was:
The Baby Whisperer talks about routines. As our daughter got older we made a nap and bedtime routine by reading books to her before we put her to sleep. Then my husband or I would pop her binky in her mouth (if she wasn't already sucking on it) and say, "Good night," lay her in her crib, walk out of her room.
Lesson #6 - Sleepy Spectrum & Sleepy Cues
Babies are funny. Unlike us, the more tired they get the more wired they get as well. It's harder to get them to sleep the longer we wait to put them to sleep. On babycenter.com I remember reading an article about infant sleep patterns. In the article it said to picture your baby having a sleepiness spectrum. Instead of laying the baby down when they are asleep (being a 10 on a 1 to 10 sleepiness spectrum), try to lay them down when they are at 7 or 8, they are tired, but not out cold in your arms.
Another thing I learned in Baby Whisperer was to notice the child's sleepy cues. I had nap times and bedtimes for my baby girl, but if she was tired before that time, then I would lay her down right then. Her sleepy cues currently are rubbing her eyes, nestling her head into her blanket and crankiness. The book says the moment you see the sleepy cue, scoop them up and put them to sleep.
Lesson #7 - What if the Baby Resists?
Most of the time, I can lay my little girl down with her blanket and binky and she won't make a peep while she rolls over and goes to sleep. But of course there are times when she resists. But you are the parent, you will know what to do. Personally, if I put my baby in her crib and she screams, I usually get her out and let her re-set. While I get her out I'll hold her or read her another book to calm her down (because she usually won't go to sleep when she's worked up). I might do this a few times. Sometimes I will let her whimper or scream and if she doesn't fall asleep in 10 minutes or so, I will go get her, hold her, or give her some milk and try again. But, (key point) she is almost always awake when I lay her down.
*DISCLAIMER: I don't know it all. I am no expert. There is not one way to sleep train a child/baby. How you sleep train will depend on your baby's temperament, your personality and you and your husband's parenting styles. Also, keep in mind that I am an amateur mother who has only one child and I am a stay at home mom. Everyone's circumstances are different. The contents in this blog post are things that worked for my family...it may or may not work for yours.
References
We named our little girl Joan, after Joan of Arc. We already notice traces of strength, independence and defiance from our little two year old. But she can also be pleasant, social and sweet.
Some have asked these questions,
"How do I get my baby to sleep through the night?"
"How do I get my baby/toddler to take naps?"
I usually play it safe and stay quiet instead of answering how I sleep-trained my baby. But today I am going to attempt to share what I've learned on this journey of sleep training.*
When people find out that my girl takes naps and sleeps through the night they usually praise her, but let me tell you--this was all my husband and I! This was our hard earned work! Our baby girl would never have been so easy considering her intense temperament had it not been for outside intervention.
 |
| Joan and daddy |
Below are some lessons I've learned about sleep training.
 |
| Baby Joan at 6 weeks old |
Lesson #1 - The Whole Picture
Something which surprised me about the Baby Wise book was how it was more about making sure the baby had enough food than sleep (which makes sense because babies will sleep better with a full tummy). Whether you are breastfeeding, bottle feeding or both, just reach out to others for help if you aren't sure that your baby is getting enough food. I had sisters to help me and I also attended the Le Leche League breastfeeding support group in my town. Google them and you will probably find a support group near you. One time I even called them on the phone because I was so worried about my baby's food intake and if I was breastfeeding correctly. They might even do a home visit. So, when you try to sleep train your baby, look at the whole picture: is he/she getting enough to eat? Is he/she gassy? Does the diaper need a change? Etc.
 |
| Joan, one year old |
Lesson #2 - Sleeping Props
Baby Wise says to stay away from sleeping props (things your baby depends on in order to fall asleep). The most common sleeping props are rocking your baby to sleep, nursing your baby to sleep and driving in the car to get your baby to sleep. I'm not saying to not rock, nurse or drive your baby places, just don't rely on that to get him/her to sleep. Don't get me wrong, I have used all of these at some point to get my baby to sleep. We bounced and bounced her on the yoga ball for months and then I'd lay her down and she would wake up. I remember thinking, is there more to life than this? I don't want to spend the rest of my life on this yoga ball. For a period of time I would nurse my baby to sleep if she woke up in the middle of the night.
With sleep training you are constantly tweaking things as you go because your baby is constantly changing (teething, growth spurts, etc.).
But, I do use sleeping props and I'm okay with it because as long as the baby can still be in the crib by herself and fall asleep on her own with them (not depend on me to fall back asleep), then I don't worry about it. My daughter has a blanket, a binky and later on we brought a small fan into her room (for white noise). Joan didn't always want a binky but I kept at it and eventually found a size she liked. (In The Sleep Sense Program it discourages binky's. Mainly because it it falls out of your infants mouth then they will cry 1-6 times during the night and wait for you to put it back in). This happened a couple of times to us but not enough to create a problem. So binky's when putting your little one to sleep, might not be the best idea, but it's up to you. So far, it's been fine for us, but I haven't decided if I want to use one to help my next baby sleep or not.
Lesson #3 - Tuning-in to Your Baby's Cries
My baby cried a lot. But she wasn't always crying because she was hungry. She was gassy, or stressed, or had a poopy diaper, or a diaper rash, or she was uncomfortable, or wired or tired, or in pain. I began to notice that her cries sounded different depending on what she needed. If I had no idea why she was crying (which happened a lot), then I tried to cover all bases to see what she needed. Remember, "Emotional tears actually eliminate chemically activated stress hormones from the body" (Buchnam & Ezzo, 2012, p. 138). This means that tears are normal and even healthy not only for babies, but for everyone.
Lesson #4 - Schedule
Holy cow--Baby Wise is a bit rigid when it comes to a feeding and sleeping schedule. But my take away from that section was:
- Lay my baby down when she is still awake so she can learn to sleep on her own. Baby Wise calls this Feed Wake Sleep and Baby Whisperer uses this method as well.
- Try to feed her at the same time every morning and put her to sleep at the same time.
- When your baby starts sleeping through the night, expect growth spurts to occur every so often (when the baby is growing, he or she will need more food so don't get discouraged if your schedule gets a little out of whack every now and then).
The Baby Whisperer talks about routines. As our daughter got older we made a nap and bedtime routine by reading books to her before we put her to sleep. Then my husband or I would pop her binky in her mouth (if she wasn't already sucking on it) and say, "Good night," lay her in her crib, walk out of her room.
Lesson #6 - Sleepy Spectrum & Sleepy Cues
Babies are funny. Unlike us, the more tired they get the more wired they get as well. It's harder to get them to sleep the longer we wait to put them to sleep. On babycenter.com I remember reading an article about infant sleep patterns. In the article it said to picture your baby having a sleepiness spectrum. Instead of laying the baby down when they are asleep (being a 10 on a 1 to 10 sleepiness spectrum), try to lay them down when they are at 7 or 8, they are tired, but not out cold in your arms.
Another thing I learned in Baby Whisperer was to notice the child's sleepy cues. I had nap times and bedtimes for my baby girl, but if she was tired before that time, then I would lay her down right then. Her sleepy cues currently are rubbing her eyes, nestling her head into her blanket and crankiness. The book says the moment you see the sleepy cue, scoop them up and put them to sleep.
Lesson #7 - What if the Baby Resists?
Most of the time, I can lay my little girl down with her blanket and binky and she won't make a peep while she rolls over and goes to sleep. But of course there are times when she resists. But you are the parent, you will know what to do. Personally, if I put my baby in her crib and she screams, I usually get her out and let her re-set. While I get her out I'll hold her or read her another book to calm her down (because she usually won't go to sleep when she's worked up). I might do this a few times. Sometimes I will let her whimper or scream and if she doesn't fall asleep in 10 minutes or so, I will go get her, hold her, or give her some milk and try again. But, (key point) she is almost always awake when I lay her down.
Nighty-night, sleep tight!
*DISCLAIMER: I don't know it all. I am no expert. There is not one way to sleep train a child/baby. How you sleep train will depend on your baby's temperament, your personality and you and your husband's parenting styles. Also, keep in mind that I am an amateur mother who has only one child and I am a stay at home mom. Everyone's circumstances are different. The contents in this blog post are things that worked for my family...it may or may not work for yours.
References
- Ezzo, G., Bucknam, R., & Ezzo, A. M. (2012). On becoming baby wise: Giving your infant the GIFT of nighttime sleep. Parent-Wise Solutions.
- file:///C:/Users/Administrator/Downloads/TheSleepSenseProgram.pdf
- https://sleepsense.net/awsleepquiz/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=sleepsense&utm_term=Brand-US-AU-CAN-NZ-UK-PS&gclid=CjwKCAjwssvPBRBBEiwASFoVdzlkMBNllax1g3fgZIF-Zz90B5JdYEe8npDUVCQ5h5usRT5GoJ-6TBoC-H8QAvD_BwE
- Hogg, T., & Blau, M. (2010). The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics. Simon and Schuster.
- https://www.babycenter.com/
- http://www.llli.org/
