Millennials: The Special Little Snowflakes

"Kids these days...they are so lazy and disrespectful." 😒

I've heard this said a time or two about millennials. As a millennial myself, phrases like this aren't my favorite.

This Summer I read a book by Alfie Kohn called The Myth of the Spoiled Child. Because I nerd on paradigm changers--Kohn's books are always a fun read for me. In the book mentioned above, Kohn deflates the notion that all millennials are selfish and lazy, etc. He doesn't say this isn't true, but rather he points out how there is no evidence which shows millennials as idle and self-centered. This is just a belief that journalist and adults have run with even though there's nothing to back up this claim. But the evidence does show a pattern that surprised me. 

Kohn brought to my attention how all older generations complain about younger generations as being selfish and lazy--even though that might not always be true. For instance, baby boomers were called hippies and dropouts by their parents, "GenXers were labeled as slackers" (p. 25).

Even back in Socrates time, he complained about children and youth by lamenting, "Children today love luxury too much...and have no respect for their elders" (p. 16). So even though we've met kids, youth and millennials who fit this description doesn't mean they are all like this.

Older generations just have a pattern of complaining about youngsters. I'm grateful for all the millennials in my life.  The one's I know are gutsy activists who are willing speak up for those who don't have a voice.  And let's face it--no matter who we are, all of us are lazy and self-centered at times. So let's do everyone a favor by not being too hasty with stereotypes.😘 

Tis' The Season To Be Changed: The 24 Books That Changed Me This Year

"Twas I; But Tis' Not I" - William Shakespeare, As You Like It 

My goal this year was to read 24 books. I accomplished that goal last week. Although this year was hard for me, I am grateful that I was able to ground myself in good literature so I could glean courage and hope from the books I read.

These books healed my soul this year and changed me. I believe they made me a better person or at least inspired me to be more empathetic with others. So here are some blurbs from my books that ignited my desire to help others and try harder to be brave.

Thanks Jenny for taking this picture. :) 

My 2017 Booklist

1. The Last of the Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper - This book reminded me of how the culture back then maintained the narrative that we were superior to the Native Americans. I know some of these racial problems have carried over into our current day and still have not been resolved. I am committed to being sensitive to these issues.  

2. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson - This reminded me of how I can be two things at once, even if they seem conflicting (i.e. I am certain yet ambiguous, strong yet scared, kind yet firm or vulnerable, yet courageous). 

3. Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen - I learned that it's hard in a relationship when only one of you are growing and changing while the other is just staying the same. 

4. The Myth of the Spoiled Child by Alfie Kohn - "Unconditional love corresponds to one of the deepest longings, not only of the child, but every human being; on the other hand, to be loved because of one's merit, because one deserves it, always leaves doubt; maybe I did not please the person I want to love me, maybe this, or that--there is always fear that love could disappear. Furthermore, "deserved" love easily leaves a bitter feeling that one is not loved for oneself, that one is loved only because one pleases, that one is in the last analysis, not loved at all but used."
- Erich Fromm.

5. The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis - The Devil's patient becomes a Christian and the Devil knows he can still have hold of his patient because of the church. In the church, the patient think's everyone will be spiritual, pure and ideal, but the patient is disappointed to find the "oily grocer" or his regular sinning neighbor's at church. I liked this portion because it taught me that church is a hospital for sinner's, not a spa for saints. I am in my community to love and to help--not to judge. I am weak and imperfect, therefore everyone else is. We can grow together.

By Brene' Brown

 6. When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner - This helped me change how I view God. I don't think He throws challenges and tests at us in order to teach us a lesson--I think God's role is more of a loving Father who holds me when I'm feeling broken or hurt. He gives me freedom to choose and is there for me when I mess up. 

7. The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute - This book helped me understand the importance of trying to change myself--not others. It takes way too much responsibility, anxiety and energy to try to fix people and change them. I can't and shouldn't control people and their behaviors. But I should control my behavior and work on myself. This brings me peace.  

8. David & Goliath by Malcom Gladwell - This really heightened my sensitivity and awareness of people who are marginalized. I'm grateful for my brother who is gay because he has helped me know how to be an ally for those who don't have a voice. 

9. The Body Project: An Intimate History of Girls by Joan Jacobs Brumberg - This unleashed the feminist within me and reminded me to be intentional of what I say to my daughter, how I treat her, what toys I give her and what I watch with her. I want her to know that strong is the new pretty. I want to teach her about lookism. I'm excited to teach her (and my future son's if I have any) about powerful and courageous women and how they made a difference in our world. I want boys and girls and men and women to realize that they are a team. The mixed messages sent to girl's to look sexy for men, while at the same time be careful what you wear because we don't want to make men fall into temptation...both of these messages are dis-empowering to women and girls because it teaches them that it's the woman's job to manage the sexual desires of men. The pressures placed on women is heart-breaking. But I want to be a strong support to all women and men around me.

10. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls - This painful story helped me own my own story. Although I'd love to change my past, I can't. But I can change myself and move forward with hope for a better future. I can choose to love and choose to forgive.

11. A Connecticut Yankee in Kind Arthur's Court - This changed me because it reminded me that we can use our knowledge, power and education to manipulate and hurt people or we can use it to help others.   

12. Being Wrong by Katheryn Shulz - I learned about the Wisconsin Innocence Project which is a national organization that uses DNA testing to overturn wrongful convictions. I also learned how easy it is to be wrong and make mistakes. It is easy to fall into the trap of dogmatism. As Aristotle put it, "The more you know, the more you know you don't know."

13. Daring to Drive: A Saudi Woman's Awakening by Manal El Sharif  - It was an honor getting to know this woman who got arrested a few years ago for "driving while female" in her country. Now, thanks to her, the ban has been lifted. I saw parallels with her in my life.  I'm grateful for Manal and all she sacrificed for women and the country she loves. I was touched by her brother and father who eventually supported her. I'm grateful for the men in my life who are sensitive to social injustice. #HeforShe

14. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer - "There is no happiness when it is not shared." Chris' story broke my heart. I admire him, but his story was a tragedy. I am glad he was able to touch so many lives on his journey into the wild. We would be void of hurt if we isolated ourselves, but we do need people in order for our soul to survive and they need us.

15. What's Wrong With Mindfulness (And What Isn't)? A Zen's Perspective by  Robert Rosenbaum & Barry Magid - This helped me to be sensitive to other cultures and religions and to be aware of how we often commercialize spiritual things. It also reminded me how religion is a life-long journey and cannot be obtained in a week-long workshop.

16. One Second After by William Forstchen - This book depicted people turning savage in a crisis. I don't believe that is the case but it helped me think about human nature and suffering. I honestly didn't care for this book. :)

17. The Hero With a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell - Stories, myths and symbols help us make meaning of our lives. But in our human tendency to prove everything we sometimes miss the beauty or purpose of the myth. "Wherever the poetry of myth is interpreted as biography, history, or science, it is killed. The living images become only remote facts of a distant time or sky...When a civilization begins to reinterpret its mythology in this way, the life goes out of it, temples become museums, and the link between the two perspectives is dissolved" (p.249). Some things are meant to be felt and treasured rather than proven. This mindset helps us focus on the why rather than the how.

18. Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool by Hal Edward Runkel - "The only way to retain a position of influence with our children is to regain a position of control over ourselves. When we need others to accept us or validate us by doing whatever we tell them to do, we make them the caretakers of our emotional remote controls." Your children cannot push you over the edge, press your magic buttons, or bring you to the brink. They are simply not that powerful. Your emotional responses are up to you. You always have a choice."

19. Strangers In Their Own Land: Anger & Mourning on The American Right by Arlie Russell Hochschild - This was a huge reminder to have empathy for people who think differently than me. It's okay to disagree and the relationship is more important than being right.

20. The Sleep Sense Program by Dana Obleman - This was similar to the method we used to sleep train our daughter. Sleep problems can carry over into adulthood so it's our responsibility to help our little babies learn how to sleep on their own. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

21. The Crucible of Doubt by Fiona & Terryl Givens - This book described everything I feel and am going through. This was a good reminder of how it is okay to deal with uncertainty. It was affirming to me and what I've been going through these past few years. "With the faith that is open to any answer, we can never be sure what we will learn next. As the seed of faith sprouts and grows, we cannot know how the branches will bend or where the roots will twist" (Givens, p. 10). I'm grateful for the opportunity to lean on faith when I have doubt and ambiguity in my life.

"Imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with...That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we" (Jeffrey R. Holland, p. 82).

"Airbrushing our leaders, past or present, is both a wrenching of the scriptural record and a form of idolatry. It generates an inaccurate paradigm that creates false expectations and disappointment. God specifically said He called weak vessels so we wouldn't place our faith in their strength or power, but in God's. The prophetic mantle represents priesthood keys, not a level of holiness or infallibility. That is why our scripturally mandated duty to the prophets and apostles is not to idolize them but to uphold and sustain them 'by the prayer of the faith'" (Givens, 70).

22. The God Who Weeps by Fiona & Terryl Givens - "while to some it is given to know the core truth of Christ and His mission, to others is given the means to persevere in the absence of certainty" (Givens, 122).

"Perhaps truly there are religious advantages to doubt. Perhaps only a doubter can appreciate the miracle of life without end." (Levi Peterson, p. 123).

"What if in our anxious hope of heaven, we find we have blindly passed it by?" (Givens, p. 120).

23. Between The World And Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates - This is an eye-opening book that was written a few years ago. It's a black father's letter to his 15 year old son about racism. It's not enough to say, "things are better now" we have to remember what happened and acknowledge what is still happening. We have to stop hurting people. Instead of saying, "I'm not racist" we could ask ourselves, "how am I racist?" I wish every American would read this book.

"The mettle that it takes to look away from the horror of our prison system, from the police forces transformed into armies, from the long war against the black body, is not forged overnight. To acknowledge these horrors means turning away from the brightly rendered version of your country as it has always declared itself and turning toward something murkier and unknown. It is still too difficult for most Americans to do this. But that is your work. It must be, if only to preserve the sanctity of your mind" (p. 98-99).

The world we live in is a beautiful and murky place. I am trying not to be blind to either of these realities. I want to be aware of the beauty and darkness--not just one or the other.

24. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens - "I will honor Christmas in my heart...and try to keep it all the year" was Scrooge's plea for mercy to the ghost of Christmas future. Like Scrooge, I am grateful for the God who weeps for us. He trusts us so much and wants us to be kind to all of His children. 

If Scrooge can change, then so can we. Merry Christmas.